Wish I was Meaner...

Well, yeah I jst said it. I sometimes do wish I was a meaner person - maybe a bit more shrewd in a tactful way... I dnt quite know how to put it!

Its become a desirable quality than something to be frowned upon, and I feel the absence of it... in every step. I acknowledge some people being pro at it, every time I try - guilt keeps me awake at night - is it just me or has the world become insensitive? How is it that some ppl can get away with making you feel like shit, when it wasn't even something you were at fault about? And when you come out of it without "belittling" yourself or "stooping" down - are u the "better" man or the sore loser?

Sometimes, I wish I could be mean - in my head, I can - I mean, everyone has their gray sides, but as the door unlocks, meek takes over, words get stuck and at the end of a face off- I am just dumbstruck - saying in my head, did u just say that B****H? But that's it- I cant come out with it - if I count as many things against, where and how wud we be any different? But, do we need to be or presume to be, just coz we walk away? Are we nt the idiots to let somebody get away with it?? Yes. but then I am not mean and avengeful...

I do however wish I was... just a lil...against some ppl... pleassssse!