Well, yeah I jst said it. I sometimes do wish I was a meaner person - maybe a bit more shrewd in a tactful way... I dnt quite know how to put it!
Its become a desirable quality than something to be frowned upon, and I feel the absence of it... in every step. I acknowledge some people being pro at it, every time I try - guilt keeps me awake at night - is it just me or has the world become insensitive? How is it that some ppl can get away with making you feel like shit, when it wasn't even something you were at fault about? And when you come out of it without "belittling" yourself or "stooping" down - are u the "better" man or the sore loser?
Sometimes, I wish I could be mean - in my head, I can - I mean, everyone has their gray sides, but as the door unlocks, meek takes over, words get stuck and at the end of a face off- I am just dumbstruck - saying in my head, did u just say that B****H? But that's it- I cant come out with it - if I count as many things against, where and how wud we be any different? But, do we need to be or presume to be, just coz we walk away? Are we nt the idiots to let somebody get away with it?? Yes. but then I am not mean and avengeful...
I do however wish I was... just a lil...against some ppl... pleassssse!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
1 year... too lil...too long!
And the pages on the calendar turned, candles were being blown, age compliments turning into jokes... young sport stars and celebrities on the television forcing you to take a look at yourself saying - WTF, am 26... what have I done so far? This everyday life that I live... wat am I seeking - Fame, money, adventure, survival?
And yet, the question remains after you've answered it once or twice.. comes back to haunt you when you look back in perspective... as I do today... 1 year since I last wrote...wat have I achieved?
A beautiful relationship that's about balance, a successful start to my parent's career, 4 holidays and a new job...dats a lot.. but the question remains...wat do I seek- and whenever I think about it, I worry! Like really, heating up my head - till a point I have assumed and presumed everything that can possibly happen - good or bad, usually the bad - and then I resign myself to wat tomorrow brings.
I think we worry till the time we need something, are to do something, create something, abort something - but once that is done - its not that we are in peace...we find something new to worry... and the cycle continues! We never really cease...and if even for a while, we do - we worry as to how life has nothing new for us to worry about- its just the natural course of humanly survival - changes with your status in society!
A poor man worries about his family's survival and the 2 square meals he needs, a student worries about the exams, a college kid worries about the job, a salaried worries about the next increase, a TL thinks of his next promotion, a manager thinks abt moving up the ladder, a CEO thinks abt retaining his position, a celebrity thinks abt the years he is gonna fade away as everyone has before him, a politician on how much money he can stash before the next elections - and you give them this - they will find a new worry!
And as a year passes, some of our worries see a result, some continue to be a struggle, but as long as we are alive and human... there is no way to escape, no place to hide!
And yet, the question remains after you've answered it once or twice.. comes back to haunt you when you look back in perspective... as I do today... 1 year since I last wrote...wat have I achieved?
A beautiful relationship that's about balance, a successful start to my parent's career, 4 holidays and a new job...dats a lot.. but the question remains...wat do I seek- and whenever I think about it, I worry! Like really, heating up my head - till a point I have assumed and presumed everything that can possibly happen - good or bad, usually the bad - and then I resign myself to wat tomorrow brings.
I think we worry till the time we need something, are to do something, create something, abort something - but once that is done - its not that we are in peace...we find something new to worry... and the cycle continues! We never really cease...and if even for a while, we do - we worry as to how life has nothing new for us to worry about- its just the natural course of humanly survival - changes with your status in society!
A poor man worries about his family's survival and the 2 square meals he needs, a student worries about the exams, a college kid worries about the job, a salaried worries about the next increase, a TL thinks of his next promotion, a manager thinks abt moving up the ladder, a CEO thinks abt retaining his position, a celebrity thinks abt the years he is gonna fade away as everyone has before him, a politician on how much money he can stash before the next elections - and you give them this - they will find a new worry!
And as a year passes, some of our worries see a result, some continue to be a struggle, but as long as we are alive and human... there is no way to escape, no place to hide!
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